


Letting Go

by Zelda Charm (Xeldablade)



Category: The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time
Genre: After Ocarina of Time, Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Zelda and Sheik are one and the same, Zelda's POV, adult timeline, self discovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-29
Updated: 2016-08-29
Packaged: 2018-07-28 08:38:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7632958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xeldablade/pseuds/Zelda%20Charm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He seems so unperturbed by the repugnant wound, and I wonder how he can stand it so well. But then I remember that I'm not the only one here that is covered in scars, a product of war."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Letting Go

**Author's Note:**

> (Originally posted on FF.net.)

I hobbled on to the castle grounds, clutching the place on my left side that the Stalfos’s razor sharp sword cut deeply into my skin. Blood seeps through my clothes as I desperately try not to leave a blood trail so people won’t follow or try to find me. I curse myself for combating the Stalfos so insufficiently. I didn’t bring a proper sword with me. Actually, I didn’t bring a sword at all. But in my defense, that was probably the first Stalfos sighting in the Lost Woods in years.

Fighting was the drug, but the adrenaline was the addiction. As a trained weapon of the Sheikah tribe, this has been my mindset for the past several years. Except the adrenaline was wearing off now as well as the numbness, and now all I could feel was a fire that burned my entire midsection.

As I reached the base of the castle, I look up and I’m positive it has gotten taller than my previous night excursions. The climb seems so much worse now, now that I’ll be lucky if I can climb at all. The room I am aiming for has its lights out, which is a good sign, and I manage to push myself off the ground and scale the bricks that provide a meager ladder for me to gain altitude.

I haven’t even bothered to cover my face on the entire trip back from the woods, and I certainly don’t bother now. Besides, anybody who can recognize the Princess of Hyrule in the dead of night wearing a dark blue full body suit deserves to become the Prince or Princess themselves. And I would gladly give that position to them.

The ascension of the tower proved to be even more difficult than I had anticipated. After what feels like an eternity, I reach what seems like six stories high. With every step I am forced to muffle a groan by biting my tongue. My wound stings to the point that I actually think the skin there must be beginning to corrode until my organs spill out. Maybe they already have, I’m not sure. I think it’s raining because my feet keep slipping slightly, but I fear that that is the deception of my mind, masking the fact that the wetness is actually a combination of sweat and blood. (I guess I probably am leaving a trail after all.)

And for a brief moment, I wonder what would happen if I just allowed myself to slip, to let go and plunge back towards the earth. To allow the blood that ran through my veins, the very liquid that keeps me alive, cause a misstep and result in my death. The irony of it almost makes me laugh, but I don’t because I don’t think I physically can.

I lose my focus on these kinds of thoughts, and the only thing that snaps me back into reality is the fact that the window I have been trying to reach is only feet above me. With everything I have, every muscle I possess, I force myself upward and finally reach my goal.

The window is already open, like it always is. I climbed over the side and I’m relieved to feel my feet stand on a flat surface again. The room is somewhat small and on the empty side, but it’s cozy and the sight of it comforts me. I slowly walk towards the bed across the room, slightly skeptical as a shiver ran through my spine. And I knew something was wrong.

I hear the window close behind me, and when I turn around his back is to me, locking the window to apparently keep me from escaping. Which is weird, because I didn’t even know these windows had locks.

I say, without grunting like I so badly wanted to, “I thought you were asleep.”

“That’s what you were supposed to think.” He turns to face me, and even though it’s after midnight, the glow from the moon reveals the green of his tunic, the gold of his hair. I can see his blue eyes that penetrate through the darkness, even without the assistance of light. “Because you wouldn’t have come if you knew I was awake, would you have?”

This is something I both like and despise about Link. He knows me too well. He knows that his window is the only access I have into this place that’s not heavily guarded, the only place I won’t be questioned. He knows that I sneak out almost every night, disguised as Sheik, because of my constant mindset that I need to fight. I am a weapon, and I must be used. This is how I was trained by the Sheikah, and only he understands that.

But why wouldn’t I escape to my own room, or anywhere else? I am a princess, after all, so if I truly desired, I could command for a certain opening to the castle to be unguarded. So why don’t I? …And I’m pretty sure Link knows the answer to this too.

After the death of Ganon, I wasn’t able to return to the life I had as a child. I was trained to ignore emotion, to interpret any physical contact as menacing, and to implement combat when necessary. I have been told I’m “paranoid” and “unstable” by others, which are probably both true, but I can’t help it. During the war, I was always thrown into situations where I didn’t question who the enemy was, because I was simply surrounded by them everywhere I went. But now, it’s hard to tell the difference, and no one trusts me. Not that I can blame them.

But when I am with Link, my ends become warmer, and I remind myself that I can finally take deep breaths again. Asking him to live here was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I feel safe, and like I actually have a friend. Somewhat that _can_ trust me. I kind of feel human again. And that’s why he leaves his window open for me at all times.

But tonight is an exception. When I was at the base of the castle, if I had looked up to see the lights in his room were still on, I wouldn’t have come. Why? Because going to the Lost Woods by myself was against his direct orders.

“I borrowed Epona. Hope you don’t mind.” I said, trying to change the way the conversation was going.

There’s a slight pause before he answers. “I don’t mind, as long as the two of you aren’t hurt.” He hasn’t noticed my wound yet. Either it’s too dark, or I’m a better actress than I thought. Probably the former. If I’m giving off signs I’m hurt, knowing Link, he doesn’t even notice.

“Epona’s fine,” I answer, hoping that would be enough.

But of course it wasn’t. “And what about you?”

“I’m fine too.” Even though I haven’t let go of my left side since I’ve entered. Actually, when I think about it, I’m surprised I’m still standing considering all the blood I’ve probably lost. Maybe it’s a sage thing.

He slowly walks closer to me. “You know, acting against your knight commander’s orders can result in serious punishment, right?”

“I’m the princess, I should be able to do whatever I want.”

“No, you’re the princess, precisely _why_ you cannot do whatever you want. You should be protected, Zelda. Do you know how worried I’ve been for the last few hours about you?”

The question kind of shocks me, but I still don’t soften up. “You’re not my knight commander, Link. I’m not even a knight.”

He’s right in front of me now. “I know that, but I agreed to take you to the Lost Woods to get rid of the Skull Kids with a _group_ of knights, not on your own. It’s not meant to be a one person job, Zel. Unexpected things are bound to happen.” He touches my shoulder, I guess for comfort, but I flinch severely and jump back until my back hits the wall.

Unexpected physical contact. One of my only weaknesses. “I—I’m sorry, Link,” I stutter, “but you know I’m bad with that.”

“Sorry, Zel. And I’m not mad, I’m just…”

He stops in the middle of the sentence, and I can’t figure out why until I realize his eyes must have adjusted to the darkness. Because he’s not looking at me anymore; he’s looking at the trail of bloodstains on the marble floor starting from the window, leading right to me.

Suddenly, his blue eyes change from full of questions to full of concern. As he approaches me again, he asks “What’s wrong?” and places his right hand on my left, to which I jump again and wince since the heat of his skin made the cut burn even more.

He looks at me more seriously, demanding an answer. “Zelda?”

I don’t have a choice but to tell him, so I just say the one word that really matters. “Stalfos.”

Apparently one word is enough, because he groans and orders for me to lay down. I want to object, to somehow seem stronger, but it hurts so bad I feel like I might lose consciousness. I lie on my right side on his bed while he retrieves a medical kit from his dresser.

He lights a candle on the nightstand and pulls a chair up to the side of the bed. I watch him as cuts away some of my clothing to get a better view of the damage. I fear I’ll flinch again, but he’s so gentle I can hardly feel it, and I can’t think of anybody else I’d wish have tending to me.

“Goddesses, Zel,” he mutters as he gets a closer look.

I decide to look too, since this is my first chance to see myself in adequate lighting, and I regret it the second I do. The edges of the torn skin are completely black and loose, and the black is surrounded in a sickly brownish-purple color. I’m still bleeding, but the blood seems darker and bubblier than it should be.

I turn away quickly to keep from vomiting. “What in the name of Din is that?”

“I think the sword the Stalfos used was laced with poison…”

Link stood and walked quickly back to his dresser. I ask, “And do you think you can fix it?”

“Sure,” he said as he returned to my side, “I’ve stored up on certain potions for wounds that needed more than just normal tending to. You know, like poison, severe burns, that kind of stuff.”

“Why?”

“Well, just in case…” his eyes met mine only for a brief moment before they flutter away. “This should mostly heal overnight, but it’s going to hurt… a lot.”

I grab the corner of the blanket I’m laying on and hold it next to my mouth so I have something to bite on instead of my tongue, and I tell him, “Go for it.”

Tears sting the corner of my eyes and I close them tight as he pours the vial of white liquid over my wound. I decide the vial contains acid, because that’s what it feels like. It consumes my skin like a raging fire and I just wish that Link would just put me out of my misery because this is the worst kind of pain I’ve ever been in, and I can’t compose myself enough to do it all on my own.

The agony was so unbearable that I eventually blacked out and can’t remember much of it. But when I finally found the strength to at least open my eyes again, all I could focus on was that I was squeezing Link’s hand with my own. I can’t remember the last time I’d ever held someone else’s hand, and I couldn’t bring myself to let go. A lot of it was because I was still in immense pain, but nonetheless, I only held on tighter.

As the minutes passed by and I began to writhe less, I started to focus on other things, like how my pillow was covered in sweat. My hands were trembling, but Link tried to keep them steady.

And then I looked at his face. He seemed to be in pain too. Not as severe, but still. And I think I even saw a single crystalline tear fall down his cheek, but it’s hard to know for sure because everything is a little blurry in my eyes.

As soon as I reacquired the strength to lift my own head, I shifted it over the side of the bed and retched, and thank the _goddesses_ there was a trash can already there. So much for not vomiting.

I lay there, in my puddle of sweat, realizing how horrid I must look right now to him. Then I mutter, “Aren’t I just the prettiest princess you’ve ever seen?”

Link gave me one of those cute, stupid smiles that I find myself liking so much and said, “Absolutely beautiful.” He tentatively removed his hand from my grasp and wiped the blood from around the gash. Then he grabbed a needle and thread from the medical kit. “Would you like to do the honors?”

I glanced at my hands, still quivering like a highly caffeinated Chihuahua. “Very funny.”

“That’s what I thought.” He threads the needle and tells me, “This will probably hurt too, but not nearly as bad.”

He’s right; the needle is nothing compared to the acid-like hell liquid I just endured. I dared to ask, “Does it look any better?”

“Not really,” he said regretfully.

Link focuses on the needle, concentrating on the task at hand. He seems so unperturbed by the repugnant wound, and I wonder how he can stand it so well. But then I remember that I’m not the only one here that is covered in scars, a product of war. My injury probably pales in comparison to some of the ones he has sustained.

I grunt every so often, but I’m pretty sure it’s not the needle, and I’m still recovering from the acid. I grow more steady and my vision becomes less clouded.

As he finishes up, he asks, “What were you planning to do without me? Stitch it up yourself and just hope it would heal?”

“That was pretty much the plan." 

“That’s stupid, Zel.”

“I said I was a pretty princess, not a smart one.”

He chuckled. “Touché.”

When he’s finally done, he takes the trash bin out of the room. I hadn’t realized how exhausted I was, but as soon as he leaves I pass out. I’m woken a few minutes later with a bandage already over the wound and a damp cloth on my forehead. He switches my pillow for a clean one and moves the hair from around my face that’s plastered there with perspiration.

“Sorry, for everything,” I mumble, “but especially the trash can.”

He laughs. “At least now we know to listen to our knight commander, right Zelly?”

That bastard. He knows I hate being called that. But I let it slide because: one, he just saved my life, and two, because I’m too weak and tired to care.

But I just can’t let it slide completely. That would damage my reputation. “Oh just shut up, fairy boy.”

BAM. Instant retaliation. He doesn’t like being called that, either. Saria told me that it annoys him. And I know it worked because he rolls his eyes and says, “Just go to sleep, you lunatic.”

He doesn’t need to tell me twice. I close my eyes immediately and drift off into a dreamless sleep, fully expecting him to draw on my face or something in the middle of the night.

My internal alarm clock wakes me up at dawn. I know I have to return to Impa soon, but my side is still very sore, so I just rest for a minute. Link’s head is on the bed next to my stomach, using his arms as a pillow while he still sits in his chair. It looks uncomfortable, but he’s sound asleep regardless.

Eventually, I will myself to get up and head out. I consider changing my bandage, but I don’t really want to look at my injury, so I just ignore it.

When I reach the window, the rising sun gives a perfect view of all the locks. Crap. I forgot about those. And I’m trying to figure out how to take them off when I realize that they all need keys. Then I understand that the reason I didn’t know these windows had locks is because they don’t; he put these on himself.

That bastard.

“Did you really think I’d let you leave without saying goodbye, first?”

Link’s soft, sleepy voice speaks to me, and I’m so frustrated I can barely look at him.

“Let me out, Link.”

“Good morning to you, too.”

“Link, seriously. I need to get to Impa.”

He rubs his eyes as he stumbles over to me. “I think Impa can wait. And besides, I don’t think you’re ready to climb down the side of a building yet.”

“Why not? I climbed up it last night.”

“You almost died.”

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms. I didn’t have time for this. “But I didn’t.”

He doesn’t respond so I turn to the door to leave, because I might get caught but at least I’ll be making more progress than I am here. But as I’m walking away he grabs my arm, and I jump as my back slams against the wall again.

“Link! Stop that!”

He comes closer to me, and places his hand on the wall beside my head. I can feel the warmth of his breath on my face, and I feel a lump form in my throat that prevents me from talking. So he does instead.

“Why don’t you like being touched?” he asks softly.

 _Why?_ What does he mean _why_? Doesn’t he know me at all?

“I mean, I understand why you recoil. I get that. But you know it’s me, don’t you? Do you trust me?”

 _Do_ I trust him? He saved the world from Ganon’s rule, continues to fight alongside my appointed knights, and saved my life mere hours ago. How on earth could I _not_ trust him?

But I cannot form words, so I just nod.

“You know, Zel, when I saw your injury, I was terrified. I thought I might just lose you. And when I poured that potion on you to clean out the wound, you blacked out. And I thought about how I would have done _anything_ to somehow transfer your pain to me. But I can’t do that, so instead I grabbed your hand, thinking that when you awoke you would have something to hold on to, something to ebb away the pain, even if only a little bit. Because that was all I could do.”

If I wasn’t speechless before, then I definitely am now. I go to respond, but still can’t speak.

“I know you have emotions. I see it every time I try to hold your arm. But there’s more to life than fear and pain. There’s happiness, friendship, and love. I love you, Zelda, and that thought alone is what makes me feel normal again when I begin to think of unpleasant things. And there must be something out there for you too. It doesn’t have to be me, but there has to be a reason you keep holding on. But you have to find it, and never stop fighting for it.”

He pauses, maybe searching for my reaction, but all he gets is a single tear that’s escaped from my eye. He puts his lips next to my ear and whispers, “You know, sometimes it’s okay to just…”

I speak my first words since I felt his breath on my skin. “To what?”

And he answers, “…just let yourself go.”

He grabs my hand, and to my own surprise, I don’t pull away. Instead, I feel this warm sensation move through my arm as it spreads from my hand to throughout my being. The cells in my body seem to squander from their current composition as I begin to melt from his touch, and I am as adaptable as liquid.

What do I love? I love this kingdom, but I do not love governing it under such strict limitations, constantly being scrutinized and deprecated for every decision I make. Impa, but she is also the reason I am what I am now. It’s not her entirely fault, but I can’t overlook the correlation between her and my indiscretion. But the only thing left, a fondness I couldn’t shake the feeling of, was Link.

Link, the one who found and saved me from the control of Ganon. Link, the one that is always there for me when I need help, and has never asked me to be something I didn’t want to be. The one whose bedroom I always find myself entering when I feel outcast or irrelevant. Only his mere presence makes me feel a little less broken.

I’m lost in his eyes as I try to send a message to him telepathically.

_Maybe I love you too._

He must get the message, because he does that stupid smile thing and presses his body closer to mine, and for the first time since as long as I can remember, I don’t really mind. The heat he emits is a fire that I wish not to be contained.

Adrenaline runs through me as I dwell in his trance, and I hazily come to the conclusion that I can feed the addiction with a different kind of drug. I’m still fighting, but in an entirely new way. And now he is what I’m fighting for.

Every part of my body of weaponry tells me _stop_ , to fight back this feeling… except for one thing. And it’s pounding in my chest, forcing only one word into my mind. _Go._ And for once, I allow my heart to make this decision instead of my instincts.

His lips are inches from mine, and I squeeze his hand back as I feel a glow in my chest and remind myself to take a deep breath. I close my eyes, hoping that love really can make me feel whole again, despite my shattered framework.

And I just let myself go.


End file.
